Look out, World

I’ve longed for it. I’ve talked about it. Now I’ll shout about it.

My wife is pregnant!

That’s right, she’s expecting and I’m excited beyond my wildest dreams. Being the father of boys, my dreams for a little girl are now coming into shape. But our prayer is not simply for one girl. You may think we’re nuts, but we want two. Yes, twins.

I see it like this, I’m not getting any younger and if I want to have adult children at fifty, then we need to have a pair of girls now. And I like our chances. I have twin brothers, my uncle has twins, my cousin nearly had twins and my grandmother also had twins.

So next time you pray, think about us. Yes, they say you need to watch what you wish for, but we’ve counted the cost. Better suffer it all at once – twice the crying, double the diaper rash, half the sleep, no free time, higher food bills, extra diapers, and double the doctor visits – but I’d rather it this way rather than back-to-back (9 months apart) or two years apart. And besides, I don’t sleep much anyway.

Chris

Confessions of an Overworked Father

This by far has been my most challenging stretch as a parent. In the past two weeks, my work has consumed all of my time and a family crisis had me on a plane for Des Moines. I have not spent a fraction of the time I would like to have spent with boys or my wife, for that fact. And I suppose what hurts most is that I hadn't the energy to celebrate two milestones with my boys: Deion's 12th birthday & Jordan's championship berth in football. No. I'm working as many as 15 hours a day. I owe them so much and though there was nothing I could have done differently – my work involves insane deadlines at times – perhaps I could have offered more enthusiasm, more rah-rah, but fatigue has set in deep. My choice drink has become Red Bull and even the wings I’ve sprouted from drinking that have begun to melt away like those of Icarus. And while I won't beat myself up over it, there are just some moments that not even duct tape can patch and I can only hope that my boys felt celebrated even though I feel like I might have failed them.

Chris

Perfection Outward and Inward

He’s done it. Jordan’s football team has finished the season undefeated and now heads into the playoffs a perfect 6-0. I couldn’t be more proud of him right now.

At the beginning of the season, I had to spend some read time working on his heart. He had a bad attitude about playing center again. He was throwing words around like “hate” and “quit,” words I hated and wished he’d quit saying. He didn’t understand the importance of his position and he longed for the glorious position – running back. “All I do is hike the ball,” he’d complain. “Anybody can do that.”

Sadly enough, when his wish was granted by the coaching staff, he didn’t do as well as he thought. He didn’t follow the running plays in practice and didn’t listen to the instruction of the coaches as they tried to teach him how to play the position. He eventually lost his shot at running back.

We had a long conversation about it. I challenged him to stop whining about being a running back if he wasn’t going to listen to his coaches and play center with all of his heart. He responded well to the challenge and went forth each week and played wholeheartedly again.

Now, he’s all smiles. He’s happy where he is. He’s proud of his team’s perfect record. He’s excited about being the top seed in the playoffs. And best of all, he’s proud of himself.

Chris

The Mother of Necessity

My boys are known for their creativity, especially Deion. When we were moving from our apartment to our house, Deion would use some of the extra boxes and the packing tape to make bobsleds to coast down the stairwell on. Then there were the times when he would tape all of the garbage together and mount it to his skateboard to ride to the garbage receptacle. He’s built tents out of sheets and there was a time when he liked sleeping in cardboard boxes. So when Deion tried to remedy his broken toilet tonight, I could do little more than shake my head at his solution to try to contain the fury spewing from his porcelain volcano.

I was working in the basement with my wife. Deion was supposed to be working on his chores – changing the cat litter, collecting the garbage and vacuuming the floor (No, his middle name is not Cinderella, I work around the house, too!) – but it was awfully quiet upstairs. Silence and Deion are hardly a good thing. He’s either reading or exercising his curiosity.

Anyway…

I made my way to the main level where I found the vacuum laying on the floor. I saw the light on upstairs and started up the staircase calling for Deion along the way. He acknowledged my summoning with an “I was in the bathroom.” Then he gave me the look and awkward silence of “something’s missing in my sentence and I know you know it.” Then he said it. “My toilet won’t flush and it was starting to stink so I put some sun block in the toilet to help with the smell.”

I had heard it all. Sun block in the toilet?

“You didn’t go and get Lysol?” I asked, totally missing what my wife would later tell me was the most important question: “Why didn’t you come and get me?” But I was too blown away by the sun block logic. And when I opened the lid of the toilet I was speechless. I won’t gross you out with the details other than the smell did not decrease, if anything it added a weird lotiony smell to the stench. I could do nothing but laugh at him and I did not try to hide it this time. I was thoroughly amused by this act of creativity. My wife sure was. And I think he was, too, with a twinge of embarrassment.

Chris

Humility that Builds Respect

It’s always a humbling experience having to apologize to your children. I’m amazed that I can do it with relative ease considering I had parents – I was raised by my grandparents – who never apologized. Even if they knew they were wrong, they would never admit it for fear of looking weak, I guess. But I don’t have that in me and I credit God for that.

I just finished talking to Deion. My wife and I had a debate – really, a debate where we did a sort of point-counterpoint, but not an argument – about Deion’s homework. He was studying some terms for English class and I asked him to just learn the gist of it. He did, quickly. So tonight, I’m busy at work and he asks my wife to quiz him on his English terms. He flops. It was because I didn’t push him to learn it all, just enough to get by. He struggled to have a good attitude about having to re-learn everything, but he did it without a complaint. I was so proud of him and his maturity given the situation (Our parenting must be as confusing as all get out to him sometimes!).

So here is when the debate hit. I asked my wife for a conference and we talked about it. She enlightened me to the less than awesome standards I held the boys accountable to. And as she spoke, I wanted to well up with pride – the bad kind this time, you know, tune her out or worse, put my hands over my ears and yell, “la, la, la, la, la…” – but I couldn’t. My wife is my best friend and closest advisor. To tune her out now could be forever crippling to me and my boys. She raised the “Don’t you think it’s odd…” line of questioning. Odd that…they come to you with studying. Come to you when it is time to check chores, etc. All because I’m easier, softer, more lenient. Ahhhhh! That whole sequence cut like a dagger. I’m so right-brained and so laid back, and because of it, I don’t challenge my boys to excel to their full potential. I take life as it comes whereas my wife is far more proactive and aggressive. I really need to learn from her!

So I make my way to Deion’s room where he is stretched out across his bed reading a new devotional book we bought him. I engage in a little conversation about his new book before going into a talk about muscle development. Then I pop open his Bible and show him a passage in Philippians 3. “I haven’t pushed you to the point of straining towards becoming greater, Deion,” I begin. Muscles have to be stretched to grow, I tell him, and so do we. I explain my whole failure as a father in this regard and the long term ramifications of soft parenting if I don’t push him and Jordan to be better young men. He understood. We prayed as a family – my wife and cat, too – and exchanged a hug. I felt better after talking to him.

Humility in parenting is something that I find wins the respect of my children. It paints me in a more human picture, I think. I’m not perfect and I’m certainly not always right and it’s good for my boys to see that.

Chris

The Inevitable Future

One of my greatest fears in life is empty nesting without a daughter. The other is having the bathroom dream now that I’m married. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m taking about. You know the dream. My wife and I talk about that one a lot! Scary stuff. But for me, mere thought of having no girls nearly induces a panic attack.

I used to oppose the thought of having girls. I didn’t want to deal with the emotional meltdowns, the whining, the physiological changes associated with girls, the whole “But Daddy!” thing and I especially wasn’t looking forward to registering a firearm.

I n a recent conversation with a friend, she hit me with the hard truth that boys almost always without fail seek out their mothers as adults. And when I considered my own life, it rang true; as it does for my brother and my uncles, too.

My mom is one of my very best friends. We talk about nearly everything. I don’t speak to my father as much, and it’s not for any reason, but we do have good times when we are together. But when I want to talk about anything, it’s mom I seek.

My sister is the opposite. Dad goes to visit her, takes her out to eat and to the movies, fixes her car, etc. They have a relationship - and a good one I might add.

But I want mom. Always have, always will. And I see it in my boys.

Though Deion and Jordan and I have a lot of fun together, let one of them get a cut or catch a cold and then we’ll see who they call. Mom may not be as hip as I am now – you know, I get down with Xbox 360 and PS2 – but we’ll see who’s getting all the calls when my boys grow up. Won’t be me, I’ll bet. But even I’d take those odds to Vegas, because I’m a dark horse! I’m in there, man.

But I expect my boys to call for mom and I’m cool with that. I did. I’m not looking forward to losing my hard-earned cool points to mom, but I’ve accepted it. But they can have mom. See if I care. When my little princess comes, she’ll take care of me. You’ll see.

Chris

Parental Pride

This was a super busy weekend for our family. Every day was filled with non-stop activity from top to bottom. But in it all, I felt so much pride well up within me as I observed my boys at different times. Let me share:

Jordan: On Saturday, I witnessed an overtime thriller between Jordan’s football team and another. I just loved watching Jordan – who plays nose tackle – rip past the opposing center to cause disruptions in the back field. After the game all he could talk about was an onside kick recovery he made to start the game and how well he played. It felt so good to hear him rant about it. I love how football really increases his confidence. He’s as gentle as a butterfly, but such a fierce competitor and inspiring leader on the field. We’ve been studying courage in the Bible and talking about being confident and I know he’s trying to practice it. I see it in his play. I hear it in his voice. And I love it.

Deion: He impressed me more by his love this weekend. It’s something he has had to develop in his character, but has made huge strides this past year alone. Before, he and Jordan would bicker and fight, you know the older brother/younger brother thing. But yesterday, Deion blew me away twice.

First, before church, Deion tried to rescue Jordan’s breakfast from our dog, Leia (Jordan can be a little careless, well a lot careless, and leave stuff lying around in reach of the dogs). My wife found in the basement him trying to dislodge Jordan’s bagel from the dog’s mouth to which she applauded the effort, but reminded him that Jordan probably didn’t want to eat after the dog. That was a funny moment, but revealed the depth of Deion’s love for his brother.

The second was after church. We were planning to take Deion to see a movie as an early birthday event. Instead, he asked to skip the movie so he could spend more time playing with Jordan. That moved my heart as well as my wife’s. It’s a huge sacrifice, if you know Deion.

Sometimes I wonder if my boys ever get it. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing a good job with them at home, but when they display the confidence and leadership we teach them and the love and sacrifice they see in the lives of my wife and I, I know we’re doing something right. They may be knuckle heads the rest of the time, but they’re my knuckle heads and I’ll never stop loving them for better or worse.

Chris