Squashing the Rebellion

“I can be gracious about a lot of things, but rebellion is not one of them.” –Bill Buie, friend.

A lot of people fall for the limiting belief that teenage years are supposed to be filled with rebellion and bickering between parents and kids. But I don’t subscribe to that. Nor does my wife. Nor do any of our circle of close friends. To accept such a belief is as ridiculous as telling your child that he’ll probably be lazy because his father is lazy, instead of fighting against the grain to educate and instill values that send your child on a proper course towards a solid and respectable work ethic.

The same with “teenage rebellion.”

I’m willing to accept most phases -- I’ve gone through the hip-hop basketball phase, the soccer fad and now I’m working through the rock music, skaterboy phase – and I can even endure them and play along, as I read his skate magazines, listen to his music and visit the websites he likes to view. It’s a great time of growing and learning for us both.

But when my wife found a collection of letters in his pants pockets while doing the laundry from a girl who claimed to be his girlfriend, the above quote echoed in my mind like a rock against the walls of a cave: “I can be gracious about a lot of things, but rebellion is not one of them.”

So you say, “Well what’s wrong with having a girlfriend?” Nothing and everything. Nothing because I advocate that he should have female friends and learn to treat girls with purity and respect. Everything because having a girlfriend is a focus snatcher, can lead to deceit and lies as it has with my son, and because my son lacks maturity and won’t always stand for what’s right out of fear and wanting to please his friends, it can lead to him doing things he should not do and that he may live to regret.

And as innocent as some may make it out to be, please tell me why one in every four teenage girls has or has had an STD? That’s not an innocent fact. It’s appalling and it’s scary. And it’s not something I want my son to have to deal with.

Now, I will say that I’m all for group dating with friends at 16 or 17, for the sake of encouraging young women and for him to learn to interact on a more adult level – being able to give conversationally, learning to say things that build up a young woman without making her feel pressured, learning to be a gentleman and to have fun with no strings attached – but not on an intimate level. In a group setting with responsible friends - that’s safe and it’s healthy.

So we’ll be addressing the letters that ironically and like a cliché, came out in the wash. I will not be gracious about it because he knowingly broke a family rule. And if you think my methods are old fashioned and out-dated, and that maybe I should recall my teenage years, then you should spend some time talking to your kids. Look at their e-mail accounts, check their Facebook pages and invite their friends over to see what their characters are like. We do it all.

Some things aren’t as innocent as you may think.

Chris

Crybaby (It’s not who you think!)

Quincy’s irritated more than a few days this week. I know it sounds insensitive and I’m sure you think I should exert more self control, after all, I am an adult right? But you must read on as I’m sure you can and will relate. And if you cannot admit that you’ve felt like me at some point, I’m sure you can empathize.

We’ve all been sick over the course of the past week. It started with Quincy actually. He fell ill for the better part of a week. Then my wife got it and she went down for about four days. I got it, too and was sick for four days, as well. So when we finally all were restored to good health, I couldn’t understand why Quincy wouldn’t stop wailing all the time. It made me so crazy a couple of nights ago that I went to the basement and tried to sleep there. You know how it is; you work all day long, come home and give the rest of your energy to older children, your wife and some light house cleaning. Then finally, when your attention span is the length of a sewing needle, you collapse on the bed and look forward to a new day. If you’re like me, you’re a bit cranky and desire rest. No phone calls, no TV in the background and definitely no conversation with the spouse; Just peace and quiet. Then like a blaring siren at midnight, the baby wails.

That was Monday and Tuesday night for me.

Quincy would seemingly wait until I was dead tired and ready for sleep before he would belt out his blood curdling screams. It reminded me of that episode of Woody Woodpecker when I was a kid. Woody and Wally Walrus were staying in a motel together. Woody snored all night long keeping Wally up. Wally tried everything to shut Woody up but nothing worked. Finally, at the crack of dawn, Woody awakens bright-eyed and bushy tailed while Wally’s large bloodshot eyes stared at him in disgust. I’ve been Wally this week. However, I made a discovery on Wednesday that changed my heart towards my young tike. As we were playing together in the kitchen before dinner, I noticed he had the crown of a tooth bursting through his little pink gums. My heart sank. I felt so bad for being mad at him.

It was then that my wife shared with me the advice I always give her when dealing with people: Try to understand him, first. Internalize things from their point of view.

But I find that easier said than done when I can’t tell the difference between a “Please change my wet diaper” cry, a “Can someone please feed me something!” cry and a “My mouth hurts and until you can make it better you’re not getting any sleep” cry. Wish me luck.

Chris